What they really mean by "Good News"

Ever wondered what would happen if people really spoke their mind?

Especially when it was about life changing situations?

I'm almost 7months pregnant and even though my journey from the 1st month hasn't been as bad as most women have it, it hasn't been as smooth either!

Almost everyday I think of the many women (including those in my own family) who chased me for the 'Good News'  from my very first day of being a married woman. I recall our Wedding Reception where every family that came to bless us consisted of kids who congratulated the decorated victims of the evening, followed by their mommies and grannies who'd whisper an "अब जल्दी Good News दे दो" into my ear before they proceeded to exit the stage. This was followed by 3 more years of constant reminders about my speeding body clock, my 'duty' to give my parents and in-laws a grandchild, and to my husband a child. Advertisements of Pregnancy kits showed happy women swinging around with the joy of having conceived. Movies showed the expecting Daughters in law being showered with sweets and savouries and pampered by everyone else around them.

What a pretty picture!

When the Good News finally happened (not under all this pressure but of my own accord) did I realise the meaning of the words: "So Great the Con of Man" (err....WoMan!)

As each symptom hit me one by one, I felt more and more bitter towards the ladies who had demanded me to dive into this phase with their sugar coated words.

So here's a list of things that no one tells you about when they advise you to plan for a family. Things I wish they had said to me instead of the Screensaver Words: Good News.

1. When will you start to feel like you've been running a marathon everyday?

Even before I discovered I was pregnant, I noticed myself feeling drained of energy by the end of each day. Even though my daily schedules didn't involve any major travelling or running around, by 8pm I'd be exhausted and on most days, knocked out cold in bed. Initial complaints to my mom-in-law ( a doctor by profession) were met with "You're not eating enough to get any energy". 

I was stumped. I never had any qualms eating vegetables and was even raised by mom as a no-fuss eater at the dinner table. In fact I used to think my diet was the healthiest one in my home! And still it wasn't enough? Was I a woman or an elephant to be needing a heavier diet?

2. When will you start eating like a PIG?

My normal diet each day consisted of cereals and milk in the morning, roti and vegetables in the afternoon, a fruit in the evening after I reached home from work and roti or rice with vegetables for dinner. Anything more than this and I'd feel stuffed!

Now suddenly, I was hungry before breakfast, at breakfast, after breakfast, before lunch, at lunch, after lunch, before dinner, at dinner, after dinner! Even in the middle of the night, I was now waking up to raid the fridge and kitchen. My lunchbox had suddenly converted from a one bowl package to a towering stack of 3 meals plus fruits and sometimes munchies! I started slipping out during prayers and Mass at Church cause of my hunger pangs. 

My husband took absolute joy (and still continues to) in feeding me at untimely hours since he'd get to indulge in whatever I was eating too. I was now every foodie husband's dream come true. A Foodie Wife.

3. When will you become a PEEing machine?

As much as I tried to have a daily quota of 8 glasses of water, I never seemed to reach even the halfway mark. Consequently my trips to the washroom were very limited as well. 

But now, I was running to the toilet 7-8 times a day. Beginning from dawn when I'd be woken from my sleep by a ready to burst bladder till the next day's dawn aka Bladder Call. I wasn't even having as much water as I was peeing out!

I wondered if I needed to check for diabetes!

All this, when I still hadn't discovered that I was pregnant.

A few days later when I thought my monthly clock was acting up, I took the test. It was Positive.

That explained a lot of things.

Added to this, I developed a chronic cough that would last for another 2-3 months minimum...Everytime I coughed now, I peed a little! Imagine my frustration of having wet patches on my behind every time I was out. My joy of not having to use another sanitary napkin for another nine months was soon outlived.

4. When will you start hating your favorite foods?

While people usually connect pregnancy with the concept of cravings, no one EVER mentions the aversions that come with the package! 

Even before the test confirmed my doubts, I began detesting the taste and smell of cheese. Now almost overnight I stopped enjoying digging into that bowl of my much loved pasta alfredo. That once tempting pizza slice tasted like rotting food! Oh how I still miss having these two cheesy delights! 

The later months saw me gagging at the touch of anything with wheat! Rotis.... wheat bread.... All Banned! Milk refused to be pally with my tummy anymore. 

And the smell of spices and once tempting flavours cooking in the kitchen seemed so toxic to my nostrils that I avoided stepping into the kitchen for a very long time! 

One could say I was taking undue advantage of my mom-in-law! And if you think I have my cravings to compensate for and keep me happy, let me tell you......I still have none!

5. How about some Gingivitis?

I have an inherent fear of doctors, DENTISTS, needles, anything and everyone that can poke and prick me. 

I can empathise with a ferocious rottweiler named 'Tiger' who turns into 'Shaky' when its taken to a vet! And I try my best to keep my teeth and mouth in basic good health only so that I can avoid that dreaded visit to the Dentist! Imagine my shock when one day my mouth began to feel sore to the point that I thought I was soon going to have an ulcer attack in there. 

Fortunately and unfortunately, my sister in law is a dentist. So very soon I found myself uttering words I never thought I'd have the courage to: Can you please check if there's any ulcer or cavity coming up in my mouth? Ultimate horror movie it felt like to me, to sit with my mouth wide open while she poked and tapped at every crevice only to conclude that my gums were swollen and causing me the soreness. Apparently its normal during pregnancy. Not my idea of a GOOD NEWS !

6. When do we see you complaining about acidity and digestion issues?

There was always a stick placed next to my plate of food when I was a kid. It was a stern reminder from my mother for any potential tantrums for the food made at home. So my sister and I were absolute no-fuss kids who would wipe the plate clean after each meal, even if what was served was our least favorite item. 

Now as if the  aversions weren't enough to make me stick my nose up at certain foods, I had realised that my stomach was incapable of digesting anything that had too much gas or contained even moderate spice, thereby narrowing my intake all the more. 

Chhole bhature, rajma chawal, moong dal, aloo ghobi, typical south Indian delicacies were all blacklisted now. 

While my mother came to terms with it calling it just a phase, my mom-in-law had a hard time adjusting to the now picky bahu! Every night I'd still be struggling with acidity and heartburn. Digene was my new agony aunt, my BFF! A constant bloated feeling in my tummy almost tempted me to try jumping into a pool to see if I'd float! 

7. You're not Woman Enough without a Migraine!

Gods of Headaches always had a bone to pick against me and this seemed like a perfect time to wage a full fledged war! My headaches initially were all thanks to blocked sinuses that sent throbbing pains coursing through my head, making me dive for cover at the slightest source of light around me.

Now it seemed to me as though my headache had altered its nature into a sharp nagging pain on one side of my face. It reached a point where I couldn't even differentiate whether it was my head that was paining, or if I had been boxed in an ear, or if I had lost some teeth! 

And since preggy ladies are advised to avoid taking any meds without consulting their doctor, this new trend of migraines took me directly to the labour room. I soon  found myself lying next to 6 other heavily pregnant and ready-to-pop ladies so my doc could inject me with a painkiller that wouldn't bring harm to my baby. My challenge was to fall asleep while the 6 other ladies in varying degrees of labor pain bellowed for relief!

8. Lets teach you some Physics!

The term Centre of Gravity was as foreign as French to me in school. But Mother Nature decided to teach me this one concept in the most unexpected manner. One moment I'd gracefully slide out of my car seat and the next moment I'd be tipping over like an inebriated soul. Its my tummy that decides which way I should be headed now. In my mom-in-law's words: I waddle now. Like a penguin. Or maybe a swinging pendulum?

So that's 8 new things no one ever told me about when they wanted me to start a family of my own! 8 new things I never found on a google search but only in the nodding heads of my mom and mom-in-law.
When I asked my Mom-in-law why women never reveal all these issues in advance to their younger counterparts, she gave me a simple reply: If all this were such common knowledge, no woman would choose to walk down the road to mommyhood!

I have half a mind to catch hold of those famous movie stars and models who pose so cheerfully on pregnancy strip packets and make this entire ordeal look like a walk down the red carpet! 

I still have 3months more to go before I pop and I'm already bracing myself for not just the side-effects coming my way but also for the fine lines between each pregnancy woe. But I guess some things you can never be ready enough for till you don't encounter it yourself. 

So Great the Con of Man.....WOMAN!!