When waking up in the morning washes you with a feeling of dread..
When the thought of dealing with the little one's tantrums make your limbs feel heavier..
When a migraine, however strong does not entitle you to bury your head under the blanket and rest..
When you can't run to the washroom to relieve yourself and just have to hold it in till someone comes home from work at the end of the day..
When having a peaceful bath and that too daily is more of a luxury..
When you realise that you don't have the luxury of choice when it comes to choosing between the kid and that much needed break..
When a vacation basically just means fretting over the baby like every other day, but outside your comfort zone..
When you're just as tired as everyone else, or maybe more but hitting the bed seems more like a distant dream cz you got the hyper little one to deal with no matter how tired you may be..
When the doctor says you need to put your feet up and rest for the next three days and all you can think of is how you'll manage caring for the baby with a swollen foot..
When the upcoming weekend makes you feel hopeful of having some quality time with your partner, maybe a quiet date to distract you from the humdrum of motherhood, but turns out that unlike you, your partner has an option to curl up and relax till the next working day..
When the weekend in reality just exists to relax everyone else except you..
When you see the entire world, your loved ones and your girlfriends moving past you to higher accomplishments..But you're standing right there with a bowl of mashed veggies, a bottle of water and vomit on your clothes..
When the thought of dealing with the little one's tantrums make your limbs feel heavier..
When a migraine, however strong does not entitle you to bury your head under the blanket and rest..
When you can't run to the washroom to relieve yourself and just have to hold it in till someone comes home from work at the end of the day..
When having a peaceful bath and that too daily is more of a luxury..
When you realise that you don't have the luxury of choice when it comes to choosing between the kid and that much needed break..
When a vacation basically just means fretting over the baby like every other day, but outside your comfort zone..
When you're just as tired as everyone else, or maybe more but hitting the bed seems more like a distant dream cz you got the hyper little one to deal with no matter how tired you may be..
When the doctor says you need to put your feet up and rest for the next three days and all you can think of is how you'll manage caring for the baby with a swollen foot..
When the upcoming weekend makes you feel hopeful of having some quality time with your partner, maybe a quiet date to distract you from the humdrum of motherhood, but turns out that unlike you, your partner has an option to curl up and relax till the next working day..
When the weekend in reality just exists to relax everyone else except you..
When you see the entire world, your loved ones and your girlfriends moving past you to higher accomplishments..But you're standing right there with a bowl of mashed veggies, a bottle of water and vomit on your clothes..
When you're surrounded by a supportive family and yet feel lonely..
One would say Welcome to Motherhood.
As much as I love my little one, unlike other moms I can't bring myself to say I'd go through it all over again. The joys of motherhood are many, and the best maybe yet to come. But I can't go through this pain and the loneliness all over again. This ghost of postpartum tends to overshadow every silver lining.
I may seem like a bad mother. Maybe I am. I'm not ungrateful for the blessing that is my child.
But when getting by each day and each hour gets tough and tougher, the struggle to survive is indeed very real.
One would say Welcome to Motherhood.
As much as I love my little one, unlike other moms I can't bring myself to say I'd go through it all over again. The joys of motherhood are many, and the best maybe yet to come. But I can't go through this pain and the loneliness all over again. This ghost of postpartum tends to overshadow every silver lining.
I may seem like a bad mother. Maybe I am. I'm not ungrateful for the blessing that is my child.
But when getting by each day and each hour gets tough and tougher, the struggle to survive is indeed very real.
2 comments:
I appreciate the honesty and share every sentiment Vineeta. Praying that all this effort will pay off and God willing, the scars on our belly will be a reminder of the joy and not any emotional pain on either end!
m sure it soon will merin.. This like every phase of life will pass on too.
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